I Remember

I remember my first crush. It was in kindergarten and he had red hair. I remember my second grade crush. I thought I was in love with him and that we were going to get married. I remember the day he said that my hair looked weird and then he threw play-dough at my face. I remember my first boyfriend. That lasted for a day. Relationships aren't meant for first graders. Well that's what I told myself when he broke my heart.

I remember recess. Playing tag and thinking I was so cool because I was hanging out with the popular boys. I remember my best friend. I remember the day I fell and had to get stitches. She was right by my side the whole time. I remember the day we had to go to a new school and she moved. It was so hard to make friends with out her. I remember we would try to see each other as often as possible. I remember when we started to grow apart. I remember the day we stopped talking. I still regret not texting her back, but I'm scared to text her now because it might be awkward.

I remember trying to fit in when I was in middle school. I remember ninth grade and the hell I went through everyday because of the rude things everyone would say to me. They thought it was ok and wasn't hurting me at all. It was. I remember valentines day when I got that note in my locker. You could tell it was written by a girl who wrote it with her left hand pretending to be a guy.  I remember the hurtful things it said. Telling me to stop talking so much and to actually wear makeup. I remember the day I started to wear makeup and stopped talking.

I remember starting high school terrified of everyone because I thought they were all secretly making fun of me. I remember hating everyone. I remember actually caring what everyone thought of me. I remember being miserable. I remember the day I became friends with that one person. They reached out to me. They changed my life forever. I remember realizing that there were people who cared about me.  That was the day I was finally happy again.